Surrender

I am daily learning how beautiful this word is. How beautiful it is when God is overwhelmingly sufficient.

I feel as if I have known this, but God is bringing this concept to a whole new level of intimacy. When the Lord has told me to silently be obedient in my heart, as He has peeled back the layers of self, --He alone has created this ministry that I am a part of here.

I remember in training they told us that there might come a moment when we just sit back and feel like a spectator in awe of watching the Lord work. When I heard that, I remember pridefully thinking that I did not come to Uganda to be a spectator, I came to get my hands dirty for the Lord.

Tonight, I felt like a spectator…even in my own heart!! As God has been removing me, allowing me to see how inadequate I am, He has shown me that He alone is the one that will reach people and speak to their hearts. Maybe I will be used as a vessel, but it is He that call people to him. It is He alone that can cause any words I might say to penetrate into hearts. I have believed this in the past, but He is teaching this to me on a deeper level! This level can only be felt, not defined in words.

It is more than enough to receive my encouragement from the Lord and feel in my heart that I am being obedient. It is overwhelmingly sufficient to sit in the presence of the Lord and be captivated by surrendering.

That is so beautiful. Letting go of control….it is not easy! It is a daily thing I have to pray through…but it is so freeing and beautiful. I don’t want control anymore. It is ok that the way is not clear, that even tomorrow appears foggy. Because when the moments come for me to move---He has already prepared me. It is ok that the Lord is telling me to be still instead of analyzing the next step and the best decisions. Because, in that stillness HE is preparing me for those divine encounters. And He will do a more complete job in showing me than I could ever hope.
I am not saying that I am throwing wisdom by the wayside. I am continuing to daily pray for wisdom and discernment. What I am daily surrendering to is the need to know a situation, analyze it, and decide what is best. Because, here in Africa----each day is foggy to me until it comes. I am so thankful God is allowing this for me. I am so thankful that He is teaching me to surrender my understanding to Him in the quietness of my heart.

And I am thankful that He is allowing me to see what beautiful contentment there is in obedience. His encouragement and His rewards far outweigh anything else my heart could desire.

I am content. Truly content. Breathless, Speechless, Overwhelmed with the peace in my heart tonight.